Calm My Crazy: Cheating Kitties

According To Denise


I was sitting in traffic tonight in the tunnel
on the Southeast Expressway and I heard a report on the radio about cats and
their secret lives. It totally made me smile.

Have you seen this?


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here



I can be assured that Boots does not have a secret life!
He is not cheating on me since he is trapped inside this apartment. I love this
report though. Who knew these kitties got around?



On a positive note, I was contacted yesterday by the
people of Arm & Hammer to apologize for
the way I was treated in their booth at Blogher
2012
. Finally, a company that listens! It also
made me happy today.

Posted in Arm and Hammer, Calm My Crazy, cats, Friday Happiness, Fridays | 4 Comments

BlogHer 2012: Wrapping It Up

Now that it is a few days past BlogHer, I can get to the ugly truth about it. I should have taken a day off or three to recover from BlogHer.

I have slept late every morning since getting back. Now, there is nothing unusual about that, but it is later than normal and I am not hearing my alarms. I used to be such an early bird. I fear I have left those days behind.

I am in this cool video at Samsung but I do not like how I look! I am at about 2:20.  It is wicked cool to be featured.

Some of the other ugliness at the conference:

1. The food – Curried egg salad or shrimp salad sandwiches? Runny eggs? When couldn’t they just have a ham and cheese sandwich. Something that could not go wrong. The best thing I ate during provided during the conference were the McDonald’s cheeseburgers at CheeseburgHer and the macaroni and cheese at the Come as You are Party.

2. Hydration – You had to hoard the water or soda at the meals because there was none available during conference otherwise. There were hydration stations at the 2010 conference but not this one. We want water!

3. The Lobby Bar at the Hilton – The service in that bar was horrible. They forgot my food order one time and it took forever to get the attention of the bartenders. For $23 for a small pizza, I would expect better service. 

I had a great time hanging out with friends, making new ones and meeting with brands and other bloggers. I am debating whether or not I want to go to Chicago next year. I am also thinking about going to the EVO conference. We’ll see.

Posted in Blogher 12, Samsung | 6 Comments

BlogHer 2012: The Bad

 BlogHer is a conference for all bloggers. Women and men attend. It does not say that one has to be a Mom or single or whatever. The Expo is supposed to be a welcome place to all bloggers.  Not every company in the Expo was for everyone, but it was pretty clear that a company that caters to electric toys for preschoolers is one, that being a single woman with no children, that I will most likely skip over.

Arm & Hammer makes toothpaste for everyone. When I approached their booth, I was asked how many kids do I have? When I said none, the representative walked away. I was standing near a display of adult toothpaste. I brush my teeth. I blog. I may blog about brushing my teeth. Arm & Hammer will not be a company I talk about based on my experience at their booth.

Sponsors, if you advertise at a blogging conference, not every woman is going to be a mother. If you have an adult product, expect to maybe talk to bloggers, who may or may not be parents.

I do okay in crowds. They tend not to bother me but before Martha Stewart, I had one bad experience with crowds. People were lined up to go to the talk. People were waiting all over the outside area of the hall it was to be in. They were not letting in so the crowd got larger and larger.

I was on the escalator going up. Now, at some point, you generally have to get off of the escalator. There were people behind me and I needed to get off. There were people standing in front of the escalator exit. When I got off, they decided that I did not need to get off that escalator.

I had no where to go. I started to make way through and was yelled at. I had no choice to but get off. If you are standing at the top of an escalator base, you are in the way and people will be bumping in to you. It is in your best interest to move. If you choose not to, then well people will run into you.

Once I got through the escalator area, I decided that the crowd was too much. Getting through the crowd was tough, but I am good at scooting through. Once I got near the exit, I cut through the line to get to the exit. I was getting through to the exit, when I heard, “I don’t know why people have to cut through here.” Ah, well, the only exit is right next to you.

I ended up going up to the Serenity Suite to get away. I was feeling like I would cry if I did not get away. Since lunch was served at the meeting, I gave up lunch to avoid the crowd.

All in all, I did not feel like I did not fit in. There were times where I did feel like I just did not deserve it and no one would want to talk to me. I tried not let that overtake me. I would go sit and read.  That helped a lot.

Tomorrow, one last wrap up and observation post.

Posted in Blogher 12 | 18 Comments

BlogHer 2012: The Good

Where should I begin? BlogHer was awesome and crazy at the same time. I am going to go through the good, the bad and the ugly of BlogHer. Today, the good!

Seeing my friends for the first time in the year was great. Over the last two years, I have known some great women, who I met during the other conferences. It was really awesome to hang out with my friend, Laura.

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I made a lot of new friends. I hope to get to know them through their blogs.

I got to see Katie Couric give a really good motivational talk.

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I had the opportunity to see this demonic looking cool unicorn cake.

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I had a great restaurant week dinner at Marseille, a restaurant on Ninth Avenue.

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I had an opportunity to meet with some brands. I especially liked the Wholly Guacamole booth. I love their product because it comes in smaller individual servings, which lasts longer then the big packages that go bad fast.

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I had my picture taken with the Jimmy Dean Sun!

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I loved the first session of the Self Care path on Healthminder Day.

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It was about The Last Taboo in health blogging. We talked about how much to share. I share a lot on this blog, but that is just me and if it bites me in the butt, then oh well.  The panelists were just so lively and the moderator was witty and funny. It made the session fly by.

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I got to spend a lot of time on Sunday with my long time friend, Anne, who I had never met. We roamed about the MOMA and had a great brunch at the Eatery, a restaurant on Ninth and 53rd Street.

Tomorrow, more of the background and how I dealt with events, not all of it good. More tomorrow!

Posted in Blogher 12 | 18 Comments

Friday Happiness: Driving All Night

I love this band and this song in particular.

The lead singer of NeedtoBreathe is named Bear Rinehart (I have not heard of a cooler name lately) and I would call him baby.

Just because, I give you a bonus song.

I think this song totally has a point. We need to get back to wooing. This band has some awesome music experiments.

I don’t know how the conference is going but I will be back Sunday night!

Posted in cdza, Friday Happiness, music, NeedtoBreathe | Leave a comment

What Made Me Start?

When this posts gets posted, I will be getting on a bus to go to Blogher. Since I didn’t think if I brought my laptop, I would actually open it while I was there so I decided to some pre-posts.


I get asked a lot what made me so open with my struggles?


The more I write about the strange way my brain thinks, the more I think I do my part to end stigma. I am just your average thirty-something single woman living the Boston area. I am often amazed that anyone reads my rambling and if it helps that it helps someone get through some hard time, it makes me happy.


I did not feel like hiding anymore. I was always told that I looked sad. When people would tell me to cheer up, I wanted to yell and say that that is about as successful as me losing weight after telling me I am fat.  I felt holding things in for such a long time and chewing over it in my mind was driving me crazy. I probably would be a lot worse today if I had not had this blog through the struggles with my Mother, dating disasters, family squabbles and general life wearing me down.


I am so happy to have this blog. 

Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments

Hunger Games

I have been trying to honor my hunger with mixed results. After years of using food as a friend, confidant, paying attention to my stomach is harder than I thought it will be. I find that I can go hours without eating and not feel hungry. Is that me denying I need to eat? Or am I not really hungry? I think after not eating for 15 hours, it is the earlier of the two questions.

My goal when I am at Blogher is to eat 3 meals a day and not one of those can be a liquid meal. The past two times I have gone, I maybe ate twice a day. I don’t think I ate dinner at all.  That is a problem. If I am going to drink, and I will, then I must eat, period.

I have been feeling downer then usual lately and of course, that has an affect on my eating patterns. I have to be extra vigilant when I am down and feeling really lonely. Food is no substitute for human companionship. It will not make me feel better. It will only propel me further in nothingness.

I plan on working out twice while in NYC. I am doing a Sweat Pink boot camp by Fit Approach and taking a Nautilus Bowflex class. I hope to do a lot of walking others. I need to take care of myself.

Posted in Blogher 12, Intuitive Eating | 4 Comments

Jen Reads: Trip to the Library

I am reading a lot of books but I have finished none of them.

I picked this up today and I can not wait until I start to read it tonight.

I also got these from the library:

Lets just say I will have a lot of reading for the bus rides to and from New York and for my anxiety breaks.

I got new glasses yesterday. I really like them!

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I had a little awakening about photos and me. I don’t normally have a big smile when people take pictures of me. I feel that it just looks fake and feels fake. Well, I look so much better when I smile that I am going to have a big smile, whether or not I feel it is silly or fake.

Posted in books, glasses, Jen Reads | 2 Comments

Calm My Crazy: Silver Linings

According To Denise

 

What a week it has been. Once I got down, I totally let all go and got really down. Since it is Friday, I am feeling better. Next week is a short work week for me since I am going to BlogHer, so that is one plus.

I went and saw two movies a few weeks ago and at one of them, I saw a preview for a movie that I absolutely positively must see.

In the preview they say a line about the woman being crazy and in a lot of therapy and he says, he is also in a lot of therapy and that made my heart say yay! There is hope for me in the dating department since it is an iffy subject whether or not I would reveal my own form of craziness. It just looks like a cute movie besides. Perhaps the hope this inspires in me will do me some good.

I am going to get the book from my local library, when I go next time.

I also have a song that I first heard listen to Pandora’s Alternative Endurance Channel during walks (It is an awesome station to listen to while working out, FYI) and I have liked almost all of this band’s music. The lead singer is tall, dark and handsome and all of the members are gorgeous as well. This song makes me smile. Here is Young the Giant’s “My Body”.

By the way, I made a mistake. Those jeans that came from Macy’s the other day are great. They don’t look bad and they are very comfortable yet stylish. This is a bad pic but it was all their was. They are Levi’s Perfectly Shaping 512s.

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Finally, I succumbed to Ginger Betty gingerbread cookies this morning when I went into Mary Lou’s, a local coffee chain, for coffee. I love Ginger Betty! The bakery is not very far from my home but I don’t get there often. If you are in Quincy or see them in in the area, they are wicked awesome. I can’t eat them every day but I did today and I am not beating myself up.

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Posted in Calm My Crazy, depression, Friday Happiness, Silver Linings Playbook | 3 Comments

Boots Update

I am so happy that I have a therapy appointment tomorrow morning because boy do I need it.

I haven’t given an update on Boots because the news isn’t good. He is still having seizures and they don’t know why but it is probably a brain tumor. The thought of having to put Boots to sleep makes me so sad.

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When I got Boots I was in a bad place. I did not want to come home to an empty apartment only to feel totally alone. I felt like I was unlovable, unlikeable and generally worthless. Not that much has changed but Boots gave me a reason to come home and to continue.

He was my friend unconditionally. He doesn’t mind if I am sad or happy, fat or thin, just that I am.

I am not sure what I am going to do. He is a young cat but if it is a brain tumor, I don’t know.

What will be my photographic muse?

I am still struggling, especially tonight. Walking home from the T station tonight, I started to cry, why I am not sure. I thought if this is the next 30 years, I don’t want any part of it.

Trying to carry a stiff upper lip and not be “depressed” during the day takes a toll on me. By the time I get home, I can’t do it anymore and I break down. It is easier to pretend then to listen to more people telling me to cheer up.

Thankfully tomorrow is my therapy appointment. I have a lot to talk about.

Posted in Boots the cat, depression, insecurities | 4 Comments