I am so happy that I have a therapy appointment tomorrow morning because boy do I need it.
I haven’t given an update on Boots because the news isn’t good. He is still having seizures and they don’t know why but it is probably a brain tumor. The thought of having to put Boots to sleep makes me so sad.
When I got Boots I was in a bad place. I did not want to come home to an empty apartment only to feel totally alone. I felt like I was unlovable, unlikeable and generally worthless. Not that much has changed but Boots gave me a reason to come home and to continue.
He was my friend unconditionally. He doesn’t mind if I am sad or happy, fat or thin, just that I am.
I am not sure what I am going to do. He is a young cat but if it is a brain tumor, I don’t know.
What will be my photographic muse?
I am still struggling, especially tonight. Walking home from the T station tonight, I started to cry, why I am not sure. I thought if this is the next 30 years, I don’t want any part of it.
Trying to carry a stiff upper lip and not be “depressed” during the day takes a toll on me. By the time I get home, I can’t do it anymore and I break down. It is easier to pretend then to listen to more people telling me to cheer up.
Thankfully tomorrow is my therapy appointment. I have a lot to talk about.