Sometimes I think that I take 1 step forward and 2 steps back. All day long I have had a killer migraine. What is the mix with depressive and self-hatred thoughts and pain?
My thoughts today about myself were horrible. That I don’t deserve anything. That I am destined to die alone with a cat. Then I got home and saw a package from Macy’s on my porch. I tried on the skirt and jeans. I could not see in the mirror very well because all of the crap on my bureau and I thought, “Ugh, they look horrible.” Since I could not see, I could not be sure but my mind was all over the bad possibilities.
I am so frustrated with myself. I can not step on the scale to confirm how horrible I am because that would be totally triggering for me to further get down. I don’t believe people who tell me that I look better. I feel worse.
Blah. I am stuck with a migraine and I am feeling horrible about myself.
I am hoping that I will have a better day tomorrow because I am struggling today.
I will not be eating anything further tonight. Food will not make me feel better, that is for sure.