Graffiti Thinking

I am probably at the happiest point in my life that I have been in a long time. I still get down a lot. I still look at myself and see nothing but ugliness. Yet, I am somewhat content.

When I was walking on my way to get a sandwich for lunch, I saw this. It is on an electric box on a random Boston street. I wonder if it was a statement on the state mental hospital across the street.

IMAG0143 (1)

It made me wonder, where would I be without going through years of therapy?

I don’t know. I might not be around today to be writing to you. I did not think life was worth living. I still suffer with those thoughts now and then.

Is the daily cocktail of generic Prozac and generic Wellbutrin actually helping?

Probably. I am not sure I want to find out.

My journey into Intuitive Eating, took an erratic step over the last week or so. The other day I went 18 hours without eating ON PURPOSE. This morning I did not eat breakfast. I see how I walk that disordered eating line more than I would like to.

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9 Responses to Graffiti Thinking

  1. 71º & Sunny says:

    Hey Jen! Glad to hear you are doing so well. And I'm sure glad you're here to be writing to us today!

  2. Sarah says:

    I don't think psychology stinks. It probably can but it's like everything. Use what helps and dump the rest!It sucks that the disordered eating is happening. At least you can see it. Trying to just recognise the disordered thoughts without acting on it is difficult. I try to just try to really get into my thoughts, figure out why I am having them and ask myself if it will help me to act that way. I'll be thinking of you xx

  3. Elizabeth says:

    I am glad you are here writing to us 🙂

  4. It does suck that disordered eating is happening right now. As Sarah said, the good thing is you are aware of it which is half the battle. Really stop and think about how you want to live, healthy or unhealthy? I think we are our own worst critics, I assure you what you see is not what others are seeing. You are beautiful and when your head tries to tell you that you're not, tell it to pipe down. Learning To Live Again – My Weight Loss Journey

  5. Jen, I'm so glad you're at a good point, and that you are here writing to us!

  6. Lootz says:

    Re:Intuitive Eating, I bought the book and started reading it. I need to recognize what kind of eater I am. Very early into the reading…did you find it helpful? I am really struggling with getting these 35+ pounds off that I re-gained. I am so brunt out on WW..though I love the program, I'm just fried. I've heard good things about it. Have you reviewd it?

  7. Jen says:

    I am reviewing as I do it. I am in still in Phase 1. Trying to eat when hungry and not think "diet" thoughts. I will be reading phase 2 next week. I am taking things slow and reading a phase, focusing on it then moving on to the next one. I am totally burnt out on WW. My body is so messed up from being on this yoyo and I am tired of it!

  8. Not sure how but food and depression are linked. I have been working on minimizing processed foods and it has done wonders for managing my depression. It inspired me to finally talk about my depression via my blog. It greats to find other bloggers talking about it too!

  9. Jen says:

    I have added your blog to my Google Reader feed. Thanks for adding your voice!

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