This post is just one where I list what I am feeling today and it is not good. Be warned.
I have gained 4 pounds this week. Should have binged, it would at least made the 4 pounds feel better.
I was not feeling good before I stepped on the scale.
I was feeling very hopeless.
I was feeling very ugly, unlovable and worthless.
I was thinking that what I am doing to myself is a slow form of suicide.
I wish that I could just disappear.
If I never ate again, it would be better.
I am 38. I will never have kids or probably get married. I will be working until I am 90. I take care of everyone but no one really cares about me. What is the point?
That I needed to put this here to get it out of my head. Just writing it and admitting it feels better. I am looking forward to my therapy appointment this week. I try to hide what I am feeling but I double I did very well at that. At least I was alone today at work and didn’t have to face people.