Reminder to Myself

Lately, I have been trying to remember to say to myself LAMBS.

What does LAMBS mean to me?

Lonely

Angry

Missing something?

Bored

Sad

My triggers to a lot of things. Emotional eating is one of them. I learned this attending my Binge Eating and Bulimia Disorder group. I have to look back at the post more often.

Food was my friend, and my only friend, for a while. It was there when others were not. It did not judge, tease, dump or really do anything that I thought other people would do to me. When my parents were distracted, food replaced them. I would huddle in my room with whatever I had and eat talking to the food, as if it would talk back.

It is hard to give it up when it has been with you since you were 9 or 10 until now, I am 38.

Out of all of those, the infamous LONELY is the big trigger. Lonely is friends with sad and miserable, etc.

I have often felt alone in this world. That no one would miss me if I could just disappear. The last few weeks, I have spent a lot of time at home, alone.

While some alone time is good, me being alone for say, all weekend is bad. I am fine in the beginning. I enjoy it but it starts to wear me down. I start to think too much and the thoughts are not good. The kitchen beckons.

Food can not be a friend. It can not replace a good conversation or a smile on a friend’s face or that feeling of happiness when you see your friend. It can not replace a boyfriend or significant other. It just does not have that ability. It can not even replace the happy feeling I get when I hear Boot’s purr.

It doesn’t even make me feel good like it used to. It is just seconds where I tear myself apart and the guilt starts.

If, I have to say LAMBS a thousand times, I will. I should put a picture up in the kitchen.

A good cry would be more beneficial to whatever I can get my hands on.

The cycle of binging, restricting, binging, restricting is not worth it.