I’m Here

I am here. I am in a pattern of general malaise, which given everything, is sort of understandable. Mom is still hanging in there. She is on a lot of morphine every hour and Ativan to relax her plus she has pneumonia but she is still hanging on. 

Work is insanely busy and going from there to the nursing home at night, just overwhelms me emotionally. I am so happy tomorrow is Friday.

I just suck everything inside. I try to let it out in a big cry and can’t. Maybe because she was diagnosed 13 years ago and we knew the end would be like this? Maybe because I have been grieving for a long time and she will stop suffering soon.

I can’t wait to sleep in on Saturday. That is all I have planned this weekend, besides seeing Mom, is sleeping in. I can’t tell you how much that makes me happy.

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5 Responses to I’m Here

  1. I'm thinking about you, Jen, and your family. Over 14 years ago, my father was in a nursing home dying, and I had the kind of "routine" that you do now: go to work, go to the nursing home. I felt numb so much of the time. I hope you are able to get some rest.

  2. Sarah says:

    Enjoy your sleep in. You deserve it.

  3. Elizabeth says:

    Thinking of you.

  4. Pam@GoRetro says:

    I'm sorry to hear about your mother.

  5. I sure that you feel great after helping the elderly through their daily needs. Thanks.alzheimer care facilities

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