I am here. I am in a pattern of general malaise, which given everything, is sort of understandable. Mom is still hanging in there. She is on a lot of morphine every hour and Ativan to relax her plus she has pneumonia but she is still hanging on.
Work is insanely busy and going from there to the nursing home at night, just overwhelms me emotionally. I am so happy tomorrow is Friday.
I just suck everything inside. I try to let it out in a big cry and can’t. Maybe because she was diagnosed 13 years ago and we knew the end would be like this? Maybe because I have been grieving for a long time and she will stop suffering soon.
I can’t wait to sleep in on Saturday. That is all I have planned this weekend, besides seeing Mom, is sleeping in. I can’t tell you how much that makes me happy.