This Time Really Will Be Different

What is different about this time is that I am confronting my demons head on and I am not obsessing, or at least trying my damned hardest, not to obsess over every little thing. I used to spend hours on weight loss message boards, on Facebook discussing weight loss, planning my wardrobe to the last ounce in my underwear, doing a lot of unhealthy and possibly eating disordered behaviors…..

That has stopped.

I am really trying not to be led down that road this time. Along with viewing my weight different, I am viewing the whole process differently. I am trying to live my life as normal while treating myself better including eating healthier.

I never delved into the whys much either until it was too late. I actually spoke up in the WW meeting tonight when they talked about what emotions make you eat. When I said “loneliness” and that food was “my friend” when no one else was the room went quiet.

Baring my soul like that is hard and it is times like that to know that WW is probably not the place to do that. It was just a little too deep for a WW meeting. I did get it out there though. 

I know that dealing with my attention problem is at the top of my list. It is going to get worse as I lose weight. I won’t be invisible, my preferred but not-preferred state at the same time. Men will probably pay attention. I need to reign in those feelings.

I lost 2 pounds this week despite the heavy slow cooked polenta dinner I had last night that was a lot like my Italian grandmother made.

When I talk about weight loss, it will be more about what goes on in my head, than what goes in my stomach, because that is where my problem is.

Little outrage of the day:

I heard they are remaking 21 Jump Street!

How can this be? I watched this in high school and had a crush on Peter DeLuise. Josh Harnett is well, wicked handsome himself, but to remake such a piece of my teenage years. Gah!

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3 Responses to This Time Really Will Be Different

  1. It sounds like you are approaching weight loss in a very healthy way. You're right–what's going on in the head is so key. I eat for so many reasons other than "I'm hungry." I'm trying to be more mindful.

  2. Jen,I don't comment very often but your posts are something I look forward to reading in my feed reader and your blog is listed in the top five on it. I am inspired by you when I get really down and out. Your post about coming home to an empty apartment with only your kitty hit home. Yes I had my child(ren) at various times and at times a boyfriend on top of that, but living alone has always been the worst for me. Even living with @cdndadonline and his own mental health and addiction demons where he is "out of of touch with reality" for days on end causes the Loneliness to come back, which sets off the binge eating, which causes weight gain, which leads to worsened depression.Kudoos for actually speaking at the WW meeting. When I went I never got the nerve to speak. I wish I could have been strong enough like you are to do it.Keep on the path you are heading down now because whatever you are doing seems to be working. The whole overall tone of your posts has changed!(sorry about the jumbled response, hope it makes sense to you)

  3. Elizabeth says:

    I'm with you, sister. I'm with you. Evrything about this post… I so get it.

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