Falling Back

Sometimes I just need a break. That is what my body is telling me. With the time change, work being crazy and the fact I have felt less than ideal in body and mind, I think I need a mental health day at some time soon to recharge.

I feel sort of down and definitely my self esteem is lacking. That shadow has been creeping up behind me, staring at me. I have had to push myself out of bed the last couple of days. I tell myself over and over to take a shower, you will feel better. Generally I do and then I commence with my day.

Actually walking to the T station each morning has helped a lot. Getting a burst of cool crisp morning air helps to get me moving. I try to ignore the trees that are becoming bare and the bleakness of the houses, which just gets me down. If I look ahead, take a sip of my coffee and charge on, I will be better.

My parent’s 40th wedding anniversary is in 2 weeks and I am thinking of doing something for Dad. I am not sure if it is something that he wants to celebrate but taking him to dinner might be a good thing so he is not alone. 

My Mom has a wedding picture in her nursing home room of my Dad and her standing close and face to face. She is touching his face and he is touching her face. I love that picture. I know Mom did too. When she was still talking and even though she had no clue who I was, she would point to the picture and say “That is my husband.” and giggle. Now I just look at the picture in combination of my Mother lying down and generally sleeping when I see her, it just makes me sad.

Driving home from the supermarket tonight, I heard a song that I liked. It made me smile and it was sort of appropriate I thought. The song is Back to the Races by the Chadwick Strokes. I heard they were doing a free show at Occupy Boston today but I didn’t find out until tonight.

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