The meeting with hospice and the nursing home today did not end up like I thought it would. It was all about making her comfortable for her end of life. It has been coming a long time. Mom was first diagnosed over 10 years ago. It has been a long exhausting journey.
We talked about things like if she pulled her feeding tube out, would it be replaced? No. We asked that she come off of her blood pressure and cholesterol medication. What is the point?
The point of the meeting is to make her comfortable and not agitated. We decided to decrease her feeding tube meals because she has been moving so much that she aspirates it and could possible get pneumonia. Eventually feeding through the tube will stop. The hospice goal is to for her to be comfortable. We want her suffering to end.
I talked about how hard it is to sit there for a half an hour when she won’t even look at me or acknowledge me. The hospice nurses suggested that she be laying down and trying holding her hand while rubbing lotion or maybe having music on.
This has been going on for a long time but it does not make it any easier.
I had a bit too many pumpkin beers tonight but while I could really do without beer most times, I love pumpkin beer. Luckily, some nights it is just good to have a friend to talk to.