Tonight, I was driving home from the meeting in Newton through Brighton because I didn’t have the $1.25 for the toll on the Mass Pike and I didn’t want to have to find an ATM just to pay the toll. I have never lived in Brighton but you could say without Brighton, I would not be here and I always think of Mom and Dad whenever I am there. A sudden “You should move to Brighton”, popped into my head. Maybe.
We talked a lot about relationships and the fear of being alone. The common opinion was that people were afraid to be alone and needed to be in a relationship but yet that guy is used to fill the void that food once filled. I can honestly say I have moved past that. Really.
I would rather be single then be in a relationship that I do not feel is right. I could continue to see MRI Guy but I feel nothing besides he seems nice and that is not fair for him or me. I am a little scared to admit my “dirty little secret” of depression and binge eating to someone once I feel comfortable with them even though I am open and write about it here.
I have moved on from just wanting someone, anyone. I know the difference between feeling alone and wanting a relationship. I would love to be in one but I am not. I am single, independent, can do what I want, when I want. There are days when I stay home and my only companionship is Boots and after too much of that, I think I crave human contact. I am lonely but not sad that I am single.
A guy probably not fill the void that food is trying to fill but isn’t. I have to fill that void on my own.